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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
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Product Description

Marriage works only when each spouse takes the time to consider the other's needs and strives to meet them. In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs. The revised anniversary edition of His Needs, Her Needs is a celebration of how the book has helped thousands of couples revitalize their marriages during the last fifteen years. This best-seller identifies the causes of marital difficulties and instructs couples on how to prevent them, guiding them to build a relationship that sustains romance and increases intimacy. With today's soaring divorce rate and prevalence of affairs, Harley's insights are needed more than ever before. An unabridged recording of His Needs, Her Needs, the 15th anniversary edition, is now available as an audio book.

Customer Reviews:

  • Dangerous Ideas
    While Dr. Harley does have some good ideas here - the concept of a "Love Bank", for example - there are alot of ideas in this book that are not only not helpful in building a strong marriage, they are downright dangerous. A few examples that stick out in my mind are: he says that once you get married both partners should give up ALL of their interests unless their partner also shares them; he says that the most important things a woman can do for her husband are to look attractive, please him sexually, be a good domestic housekeeper, and show admiration for him at all times; and worst of all, he tries to suggest that if you are the victim of a cheating spouse the first thing you should be asking yourself is "what did I do wrong that drove them to this?"

    All this book really does is try to make sure that men and women are fitting into their stereotype roles of "breadwinner" and "homemaker" by disguising it as marital needs. I would not recommend this book to ANY couple - especially not couples that have gone through an affair, which is who the book is specifically aimed at....more info
    A friend mentioned this book to me so I looked it up on the internet and was able to preview the introduction and read the first chapter, I was sold. I bought it right away. ...more info
  • Good content, weak delivery
    Dr. Harley's book is quite insightful and is full of good information. However, when he isn't talking about himself in a self-promoting way, he is telling hypothetical stories (which I personally dislike). The stories I'm sure are realistic, but lack a needed sense of real life. Overall I would recommend the book because Harley clearly has some great things to say, he just isn't a great writer....more info
  • NOT a Christian Book
    This author is not offering a Christian perspective in this book. It's unbiblical human psychology. What's more, misguided false teachers use it on Christian couples to do God knows what?
    Skip this junk...
    ...more info
    TOO SIMPLE ?!?
    :~)...more info
  • Very helpful
    Our marriage counselor reccomended this book. My husband and I took turns reading the chapters. I thought the book made a lot of sense and I think it definitely helped get us through a rough patch in our marriage......more info
  • Recommended Reading for ALL marriages
    43 years of marriage does not guarantee a happy ending. We should have had this book and it's companion "Love Busters" before we started our married lives. Highly recommend the two as wedding gifts or aniversary gifts. Troubled marriages may well benifit from these two books. Easy reading and they have really helped us save our marriage...more info
  • One of the only books you need on Marriage
    My wife and I where given this book to go through it for pre-marital counseling. 4 Years later we are read reading it to find new things about our marriage. This is a great book to build a foundation on and one to continue to go back to. I have recommended this book to dozens of friends that have gotten married, everyone that has read it was not disappointed. I don't think you will be either. ...more info
  • Quick Service
    Didn't have to wait the whole time period, quality product couldn't ask for anything more...more info
  • Wrong. Just plain wrong.
    Some well-meaning people in my life provided me with a copy of this book before I got married. You know what they say about good intentions, and had I listened to the advice in this book, my marriage would certainly have taken the well-paved highway to that hot place.

    When someone presents a theory of how a system works, logic dictates that if their assumptions are wrong, the entire idea becomes unstable and cannot stand the test of time, pressure, real life, what have you. This is why communism and 1970s feminism did not work - their assumptions were dead wrong.

    William Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs" goes down this same road with the faulty proposition that husbands and wives must meet five core needs in their spouses (the list is different for men and women), lest their spouse be tempted into an affair. While I agree that no loving spouse would deliberately neglect the needs of their partner, and that neglected spouses will be tempted by others, the problem I have is that Harley writes this book from a Christian worldview. In marriage, this worldview teaches self-sacrifice (to the point of death, if necessary, for husbands), unconditional love and the demand that one put their spouse's needs first.

    This cannot jive with Harley's theory. Because I am a Christian, I am expected to love and be faithful to my wife for the rest of my/her life, regardless of whether she deserves it or not. If I go out and cheat on her, the Bible holds me guilty of adultery. No qualifications, no excuses, no "but she...". I would be sinning, plain and simple.

    So does this mean that my wife should not try to meet my needs for intimacy, friendship, domestic tranquility, honor, etc? Absolutely not - she loves me and wants the best for me. But, on the other hand, should she do these things because I will have an affair if she doesn't? Should I provide her with a standard of living equal to (or greater than) that provided by her father, so that she won't leave me for a rich guy (this actual scenario was referenced in one chapter)? Harley's answer to both questions is a resounding "yes."

    This is just more self-centered pop-psychology tripe, dressed up in Christianese and marketed to the Baby Boomer generation to absolve them of all responsibility and consequences. The problem is, enough of them actually bought this nonsense and have attempted to pass it on to people like me. I would rather decide to love my wife because I promised to do so....more info
  • A few pages pack the most value
    This book was recommended to me by a marriage counselor. After reading through it, I agree with what he said, which is that a lot of the content may not be applicable to your situation, but the forms and checklists in the back are the most value. I probably got more value out of the book by reading the whole thing and skimming over parts that obviously weren't applicable. Even if you buy this book for the appendix only, it is money well spent....more info
  • Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The service was really excellent and courier was in good condition.
    The book has all the practical aspects and will surely help each couple struggling in a marriage....more info
  • A MUST for all married couples
    Never have I read a book that explained the differences between men and woman in such an easy way. This book opened my eyes to why I do things and why my husband does things. I can almost say I understand him now. Our relationship has flourished since we read and discussed (vital part) this book. We have recently given this book to three couples as a wedding gift and they all have praised it as 'the best gift ever.' I highly recommend this book....more info
  • One of the Best Marriage Books Ever!
    We had to read this book for pre-marital counseling. Recommend it highly and give it as wedding gifts. Coming up on our 20th anniversary! Also recommend "Love & Respect" (Eggerichs)....more info
  • Horrible.
    This book is horrible. It takes the biblical view of unconditional love and turns it into conditional. Also it warps wants into "needs". American Christianity needs to wake up and realize that not everything we want is a need. The only true "needs" of a human being is water, food, shelter, clothing and relationship with God the Father through the saving work of Jesus Christ. I would probably also add being in community with fellow believers. EVERYTHING else: cell phones, internet, cable tv, luxury cars (like SUV's), ipods, are NOT needs.

    A man may WANT his wife to stay the same weight, but guess what? Most women don't. There is a HUGE difference between losing weight because it is the healthy choice, but quite another to please another person. This author has succumb to the Hollywood "glam" obsession.

    Give me Biblical backing for this book's definitions of "needs" for either the man or the woman. ITS NOT BIBLICAL. Each person is unique in what they WANT out of their spouse. It's not about needs people.. its about WANTS. ...more info
  • Excellent book
    Arrived on time and in perfect conditions. One of the best books I've ever read on the subject, and I've read quite a few! Dr. Harley's emotional needs theory is straightforward and clear, and every couple who wants to see their marriage improve dramatically should take a look at it....more info
  • His Needs Her Needs
    This book has for sure helped me to see the things that have been missing all along from my marriage (since the beginning). I just wish I would have read it earlier (before my marriage). I'm sure it would have made a huge difference in how I handled things. I can't speak for the other party but I would guess that it most certainly could not have hurt things. I highly recommend this for anyone prior to getting into a marriage and for anyone who thinks there is remote chance of salvaging their current marriage. Every piece of ammo helps in both situations!...more info